Personal, Self Care
Comments 2

The Ones Who Love First

cb-9There are two kinds of lovers in this world. The ones who wait to be loved, and the ones who dare to love first. The key to winning, the ones who wait will tell you, is to show just enough enthusiasm to appear intrigued without looking eager. Feign just enough interest to appear engaged, without seeming desperate. Allow just enough transparency to appear relatable, without feeling exposed. Love is about appearing. Appearing intelligent. Appearing witty. Appearing worthy. Appearing available. Appearing out of thin air. And the trick, they say, to keeping the other person interested, is to make damn well sure they know you’re capable of disappearing at any time. Love is a game of power, and you lose when you love first.

To the ones who dare to love first,

For some you will be too much. Too much force. Too much power. Too much pressure. Too much impact. Those unable to withstand the upheaval will seek shelter from the kind of devastation you’re capable of causing. Do not mistake this as a call to be less impactful. You are a glorious storm, seismic and ferocious. A cataclysmic tidal wave. A brutal landslide. You are a 9.5 earthquake. When it feels like everything inside of you is trembling and raging at once, and you’re begging for inner peace, know that you are not a leaf in the breeze, a marsh reed, a tumbleweed, for a reason. How special you are to be one who creates such movement instead one who waits to be moved.

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c/o Emma Jane Kepley

To the ones who dare to love first,

Your heart is your Magnum Opus. You will feel so deeply and valiantly that others won’t always understand or appreciate your mastery. You have dedicated your life to making all things beautiful. Even the dirtiest people and places on earth shine with your touch. This optimism will be your strongest asset and your greatest downfall. As the artist, you forfeit the right to determine how your work is perceived the minute you release it into the world. You can get your work in the eyes of the masses but it is not your job to convince them to decorate their lives with you. Your only job is to make more of it.

To the ones who dare to love first,

You will lose people by caring too greatly. By loving too soon. Let them go. When each loss roars more intensely than the last, roar back. Your love is a wild animal, primal and unbridled. It does not wait to be fed when it is hungry. It was meant for licking palms, and faces, and wounds clean. Those who want to love you from afar are not brave enough for your love. Those who feel safer standing behind three inches of glass are not bold enough for your love. There is a lionhearted love that wants to devour you whole. It is just as feral as your own. It will not watch you do back flips. It will not feed you table scraps. It will not keep you captive.


c/o Emma Jane Kepley

To the ones who dare to love first,

When the ones who wait to be loved appear out of thin air, with all of the intelligence, and wit, and worth they can muster, you will love them first and desperately. You will love them torrentially and relentlessly. You will love them fiercely and savagely. When they place the risk of losing their power above the risk of losing you, you must remember, this is not personal. You must remember, this is a game they think they are winning. You must remember that caring the least is a lonely accolade when coming in first means loving last.

They haven’t yet learned what you’ve always known to be true.
That there are two kinds of lovers in the world.
The ones who wait to be loved,
and you.


  1. As always, Carley. Wonderful. I absolutely love reading your words. Thank you for continuing to write for us – for me.

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