I’m the kind of person who will go into a grocery store with the intention of buying two things. Let’s say grocery bags and yogurt. And you know what sucks? I was just at the grocery store, and managed to not get the only two things I needed. So here we are again.
Then I decide I want avocados. And then I see tomatoes. And then I think about how much I love avocado toast and I pick up a baguette. And for some reason I HAVE to make apple crisp like a true overachiever. I rarely bake. So I pick up a dozen apples. A DOZEN. I’m pretty sure apple crisp only requires 6 apples but what if my neighbors want some? It would be nice to be the chick who bakes apple crisp for the whole goddamn neighborhood.
I needed two things. I was literally just here. My fridge is full. My arms are full. I should, in theory, be ALL SET. Instead, I am dashing up and down aisles collecting all of these unnecessary items, and I’m already in desperate need of extra arms. When the grocery store clerk asks me if I’d like a basket, or some help, I always politely say, “No thank you. I got this!” But I don’t. I stumble on, peering over my own armload, refusing help and refusing to put things down.
You can imagine how much worse this gets when I have a cart. NEVER give me a cart. I quickly become a family of 16. The basket is my sweet spot.
This is ACTUALLY how I grocery shop, but over mescal cocktails and good conversation last week, it became a metaphor for life lately. I mentioned to a new friend (new friends are still a thing in your late 20’s) over dinner that it felt like my cart was overflowing. I just kept adding things and adding things. It was officially too full, too hard to push, and it was slowing me down.
I was about to go to New York for two lightning fast days because I couldn’t get Friday off. So technically, one full day and one sort of day. I had a Blood Orange concert, an event at GIFY, a few meetings, and also made plans to play catch up with friends in that one and one sort of day. Then, I’d make a mad dash for Boston Sunday morning to catch the tail end of a wellness conference. And much like the grocery store, I was JUST in New York. But I had made my mind up. I had things to do, and people to see, and meetings to have, and life’s ass to kick, accordingly.
And then life started very rapidly kicking MY ass. A few family health scares popped up within weeks of each other. A few work projects and freelance projects ramped up. I paid a huge ticket (awesome). I hadn’t slept more than 4 hours a night all week. I found myself on Friday morning feeling overwhelmed. My cart was past the point of being hard to push. It was literally overflowing. Wheels were popping off. Annie’s mac and cheese, ground turkey, frozen pizza, pasta sauce, Lara bars, toilet paper, Talenti everywhere. Pretty sure I dropped some diapers at some point and I don’t even own a baby so explain that one to me. I also just said “own a baby” and we’re going to leave it alone.
I did something I almost NEVER do, but need to get better at. I started to take things out of my cart. I put New York back on the shelf knowing I’ll be there in December (and if I’m being honest, probably November). I put the conference back on the shelf knowing I have a few conferences coming up. I put freelance work, and emails, and decks on decks on decks back on the shelf knowing the world wouldn’t stop if I unplugged for a weekend and focused on my loved ones.
If you know me, you know that decision tortured me for a solid six hours. My bag was packed and in my car. My wide brim hat sat on my seat. My road trip playlist was locked and loaded. My whole Saturday in Brooklyn was planned down to the last second. There would be Uber rides. And bouncing between boroughs. And finding coffee shops for quick creative jams. And good live music. And heart to hearts. And reminiscing about days when I didn’t have to leave it all. And reminiscing about days when I couldn’t WAIT to leave it all. And pondering days when we won’t have to leave whatever it is we’ve settled on. We’ll choose to stay.
But you know what my heart needed more?
A cozy Friday night catching up with my college roommate.
A Saturday morning in natural light spent writing in my journal.
A Saturday afternoon wrapped in the warmth of my family.
A Saturday evening spent laughing on the couch with my mother.
A Sunday, morning surrounded by my best friends from high school.
A Sunday evening spent baking apple crisp…for only two people.
My soul needed quiet love for a few days, so quiet love I gave and received. My cart isn’t quite empty. It never will be. But it’s a little less full right now.
In the upcoming week, try to find one thing to take out of your cart. Replace it with something that makes your heart and soul feel really, really, REALLY good. For one day, evening, or even just a moment, prioritize your needs above the stuff you need to do. All that stuff will still be there, I promise.