I’ve had the same 5 or so best friends most of my life. I’ve also met a few people in the last couple of years who have come into my life and changed it for the better. Collectively, this is a tribe of girlfriends whom I know would still support me if I woke up one morning and decided I just had to be the next global pop sensation. I mean they would DEFINITELY try to drag me out of the studio by my ponytail and talk me out of it (bless!), but they’d also be the first, and only ones at my concert.
That’s important. Because from how big you mess up to how big you make it, it’s critical to have friends who have your back regardless.
I also have a group of people I see super casually, and it’s GREAT when we run into each other. It’s usually in groups and it’s always a blast. We catch up, laugh, shimmy, and have a ball. These aren’t people I feel pressure to share my deepest life actualizations with, but they’re definitely people I enjoy sharing cocktails and live music with. I’m not necessarily invested on an emotional level, but I’m always happy to hear they’re doing well.
There’s also a handful of people I’ve realized just don’t contribute to my life whatsoever. And that’s okay. Maybe they’re friends of friends, or people who have said hurtful things, or people who I just don’t see eye to eye with. And for a while, this was really hard for me to digest. It’s not because I think I’m superfly and somehow deserve their attention. I’m aware that I’m a flawed human who acts imperfectly from time to time. It’s more that I’m just sensitive to people’s ~~vibes~~.
I’ve gone through phases where I’ve tried really hard to please people. I’ve also gone through phases where I was so exhausted with it all that I was borderline apathetic. Both are pretty awful. Try too hard to please everyone and you’ll burn out. Start giving zero fucks and you risk looking kind of douchy.
In other words, give a few metaphorical fucks, but only to people who really matter.
Know that it’s okay to let the other people go, and know that you can’t possibly be everything to everyone.
There’s a balance between taking other people’s thoughts and feelings into account, and taking on other people’s bad energy as your own. This isn’t middle school, where the race to get a hundred signatures in your yearbook defines your existence. It’s also not Facebook where we supposedly have 1,100 friends. You can take a little bit of the pressure off yourself, and rest your heart and mind knowing that the people who love you, REALLY love you. They’ll always be there. Even if you try to become the next Selena Gomez.
It’s freeing reaching a point where you know you don’t need to keep people in your life who aren’t adding a positive spin to what you already have going on. The people you let into your world should in some way be supplementing it, not ruling or draining it. Please note: That’s not to say your friends shouldn’t hold A&E style interventions if you’re harming yourself or others. But like I said before, in the throes of highs and lows, your real friends will get it, and #respect. (Hi friends, please don’t let me try to become the next global pop sensation. I mean it. I’m holding you accountable).
I try to remember these wise words from a fellow renegade when I’m sorting out the good shit from the bull shit.
Surround yourself with people who love, support, and cherish you. Share your thoughts and feelings with people who want to see you happy, who understand your situation, and in return, have the dignity to be compassionate with theirs. And if you come across someone who makes you feel less than, no sweat. Let go of that negativity and remember that it doesn’t reflect your self worth.
Chins up, Renegades. You’re all a bunch of juicy peaches.