Personal, Self Care
Comments 8

Hold on to the good shit. Let go of the bull shit.

I’ve had the same 5 or so best friends most of my life. I’ve also met a few people in the last couple of years who have come into my life and changed it for the better. Collectively, this is a tribe of girlfriends whom I know would still support me if I woke up one morning and decided I just had to be the next global pop sensation. I mean they would DEFINITELY try to drag me out of the studio by my ponytail and talk me out of it (bless!), but they’d also be the first, and only ones at my concert.

That’s important. Because from how big you mess up to how big you make it, it’s critical to have friends who have your back regardless.

I also have a group of people I see super casually, and it’s GREAT when we run into each other. It’s usually in groups and it’s always a blast. We catch up, laugh, shimmy, and have a ball. These aren’t people I feel pressure to share my deepest life actualizations with, but they’re definitely people I enjoy sharing cocktails and live music with. I’m not necessarily invested on an emotional level, but I’m always happy to hear they’re doing well.

There’s also a handful of people I’ve realized just don’t contribute to my life whatsoever. And that’s okay. Maybe they’re friends of friends, or people who have said hurtful things, or people who I just don’t see eye to eye with. And for a while, this was really hard for me to digest. It’s not because I think I’m superfly and somehow deserve their attention. I’m aware that I’m a flawed human who acts imperfectly from time to time. It’s more that I’m just sensitive to people’s ~~vibes~~.

I’ve gone through phases where I’ve tried really hard to please people. I’ve also gone through phases where I was so exhausted with it all that I was borderline apathetic. Both are pretty awful. Try too hard to please everyone and you’ll burn out. Start giving zero fucks and you risk looking kind of douchy.

In other words, give a few metaphorical fucks, but only to people who really matter.
Know that it’s okay to let the other people go, and know that you can’t possibly be everything to everyone.

There’s a balance between taking other people’s thoughts and feelings into account, and taking on other people’s bad energy as your own. This isn’t middle school, where the race to get a hundred signatures in your yearbook defines your existence. It’s also not Facebook where we supposedly have 1,100 friends. You can take a little bit of the pressure off yourself, and rest your heart and mind knowing that the people who love you, REALLY love you. They’ll always be there. Even if you try to become the next Selena Gomez.

It’s freeing reaching a point where you know you don’t need to keep people in your life who aren’t adding a positive spin to what you already have going on. The people you let into your world should in some way be supplementing it, not ruling or draining it. Please note: That’s not to say your friends shouldn’t hold A&E style interventions if you’re harming yourself or others. But like I said before, in the throes of highs and lows, your real friends will get it, and #respect. (Hi friends, please don’t let me try to become the next global pop sensation. I mean it. I’m holding you accountable).

I try to remember these wise words from a fellow renegade when I’m sorting out the good shit from the bull shit. 

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Surround yourself with people who love, support, and cherish you. Share your thoughts and feelings with people who want to see you happy, who understand your situation, and in return, have the dignity to be compassionate with theirs. And if you come across someone who makes you feel less than, no sweat. Let go of that negativity and remember that it doesn’t reflect your self worth.

Chins up, Renegades. You’re all a bunch of juicy peaches.

~Car

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8 Comments

  1. This is brilliant and I loved every bit of it. Probably because I feel much the same way.

    This is a great reminder to all of us that we need to surround ourselves with the people that will make us care when we feel apathetic and pick us up when we start caring too much (aka make us realize that other people really do care about us, even when we feel like we’re failing). And that, ultimately, it is our job to make sure that we are choosing to surround ourselves with the best people, no matter what 🙂

    Have a great weekend!

  2. I just wrote a post similar to this about letting go (or being dragged) by unhealthy/one-sided relationships. I think it’s a must in order to reach your potential and be healthy. Love on those who give fucks about you! xo

    • Seriously! I just turned 28 and last year was tough with a lot of transitions. This year I want it all to be about love and positivity. I’m not letting anyone in my life who doesn’t carry that same philosophy and I don’t feel bad about it. 😉 Thanks for reading! xo

  3. Reblogged this on Corporate Skirts and commented:
    Love how well she has managed to capture the fine line between not giving a fuck to caring about the one’s who really matter. End of the day, ‘treat people as they treat you’ is what I stick to 🙂

  4. This is something I’m trying super hard to work on this year. I’m somebody who has a heck of a lot of acquaintances and keeps feeling like I’m losing my best friends. My best friends from middle school and high school are spread all over the country. One of the main reasons that I feel like I really need to reassess this situation is because I always send out cards throughout the year to my acquaintances – birthday cards, life congratulations cards, etc. And the time adds up and the money adds up, and I really am trying hard to cut the list a little bit to think to myself – have I had a REAL conversation with this person in the past year? Have I helped them through anything? Have they helped me through anything? Another reason I’m trying to figure this out is because I’ve decided to stop blogging about how to stay in touch with people until I can really figure out who you’re supposed to be staying in touch with in life. (Because clearly there’s a *right* answer. Ha.) I’m also trying to find more close friends that live in my city that I can rely on, but right now almost everybody in my life has a purpose and I really need to find somebody whose purpose is no purpose at all but to be there. Adulting, man.

    • Chrystina! Such a thoughtful comment! Getting older, keeping track of your friends is such a challenge. Even more so, weaning out people who just simply aren’t contributing in any way. In fact, the toxic people we keep trying to please / be nice to / get to accept us. It’s much easier to just realize that it’s totally cool to cut those people out. Spring clean your contacts, girl!! Life gets way easier (and more enjoyable) when you do!

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