Can I be completely honest with you guys and gals? Just for a minute…or maybe ten minutes? I don’t know. I’ll time it. I’m going to assume that you appreciate my honesty, in the same way that my close friends appreciate and ask for honesty in return. We’re friends right? I mean, if our computer screens weren’t in front of us and we were in a real life situation, I’d definitely offer to buy you some coffee. If you’re not a coffee drinker, then I probably won’t understand you, but I’ll still be congenial and buy you water with lemon. Basically, unless you’re a mouth breather who sketches pictures of me in your binder and tattoos my words on your forearm, we’re tight like a twist.
I’m having a hard time lately. Just this week, perhaps? I’m in my twenties, so nothing ever really feels concrete.
There are some things I love to fly by the seat of my pants to, and some things that I just like to be organized and tangible.
When I’m in the beginning stages of traveling (checking into airport, keeping track of my travel documents, catching the actual flight) I like things to run smoothly. I like knowing that there is specific time my flight leaves. I promptly complete the necessary steps required for me to be sitting in my seat, safely, tuning out the screaming babies with my freshly charged Ipod. *I also like when the person who randomly selects me for a bag check doesn’t drop my personal belongings on the ground. I get that you’re doing your job, BRO, but my intimates don’t really NEED to fall on the airport floor in front of everybody. That’s a story for a different post. *
Once I’m at my destination, I’m as free as a bird. I don’t need a map. I don’t need to take a tour. I don’t need an itinerary, touristy photos scrunching up my face while making the peace sign, or even a schedule. I like exploring the country organically and authentically. I like hiking, adventuring, and winding my way around the city, away from the double decker bus and the guide with the nasally voice. I just need to get there first.
On one end of the spectrum, a lot of things have happened recently, rapidly, and in a very condensed period of time. On the other end, it feels like things are moving at an extremely slow pace, much slower than I’m comfortable with. I find myself wishing that I could switch the two spectrums.
I want the things that seem to be moving too quickly, to slow down.
I want the things that are crawling slower than the Sloth that made Kristen Bell cry, to speed up.
Am I being unreasonable? Maybe.
It just seems that the universe has picked things that I cannot manage at the moment to fly past me at lightning speeds. I’m trying to reach out and grab onto them, but they just keep whizzing by. Meanwhile things that I KNOW I’d be successful with (a career, for example) just aren’t happening right now.
I’m trying to find balance in all of this ambiguity.
I’m trying to stay positive, stay kind, welcome peace of mind, and maintain my values.
I’m trying very hard.
And I feel like I’m not doing a very good job.
Now, I’m not just sitting around, eating popcorn, and waiting for the show to end. I go to work every day, I do what needs to be done, I meet my deadlines, I write, I exercise, I eat healthily, etc. I’m only throwing this out there so nobody thinks I’m pathetic/lazy/incompetent. I’m just having a momentary lapse that I know a lot of people in their twenties probably go through.
Maybe I’m just frustrated because it’s the transitional period between leaving my house and arriving at the destination, and it feels like I can’t find my bags, passport, and plane tickets.
Maybe my travel metaphor is my subconscious telling me that I should just get on a plane and go somewhere.
Maybe I just need to sit tight and try to enjoy the ride?
Or maybe 18 minutes and 38.3 seconds of true honesty was all I needed.
PS, I just want you all to know that I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to read what I write. If you can connect and relate to this, awesome. If you have advice or insight, I’d love to hear it. If you prefer to silently read along, I envy your current silence. Maybe I can have some of it, in exchange for some of my noise? It will be like Secret Santa, except there are only two of us, and we both know what we’re getting. Sounds great, eh? EH?