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How To Celebrate Superbowl Sunday Like A Champ

Being from New England is an honor in more ways than one. I’ve traveled throughout the country, and all over the world. Despite how many years I spent trying to get out of New England when I was younger (because, you know, I was 18 and “nobody understood me”, I felt “trapped”, and my personal favorite, “I needed to get away from my parents”,*shout out to Kev and Jo) I find myself loving it now. It truly is a breath of fresh air every time I return to New England after traveling abroad. Maybe it’s that whole growing up thing. Who knows?

I became familiar with an interesting cultural perspective while living abroad and having daily discussions with Blake, other Australian friends, and even my students. The emphasis America places on athletics seemed to be a constant topic. Blake made an interesting point that he always had an idea about sports in America, but he hadn’t realized how significant sports were here until he visited. Now that he “gets it”he’s hooked. So, in honor of Superbowl Sunday, and the Patriots being in the Superbowl against long time rivals, The New York Giants, I’m taking the time to write a little How To.

How To Celebrate Superbowl Sunday Without Looking Like An A**  (AHEM) Like A Champ.

Bar Fights aren’t cool. Ever. You’re not cool if you’re telling your bros to hold you back before driving your fist through that guy’s face. You’re not cool if you’re pulling some chick’s hair and writing obscenities on her forehead with your cherry red lipstick.  I understand that sometimes people upset you,  and if you exchange a few words and move on then we’ll forgive you. However, on Superbowl Sunday, it’s safe to say we’re all here to enjoy the show. Enjoying the show becomes difficult if I’m distracted by Yo Mama insults. Whatever bravado you think you have isn’t comparable to the bravado the rest of us are trying to enjoy on the big screen.

Unless Bill Belichick or Josh Mcdaniels will be joining us to diligently brief us on their decisions, I don’t really want to hear you screaming the play by plays in my ear. I’m right here watching the game with you, bro. I haven’t seen Belichick ask for your opinion on his headset. Cheering, screaming, and the occasional fist pump is all part of being a fan, but avoid coaching from the bar.  “We” aren’t doing anything except watching the game. “We” are not making the decisions. If you’re that eager to call the shots, go home and play Madden.

Foam finger? Fine. Don’t poke me with it. Thunder sticks in a bar? Not fine. Clapping your thunder sticks in my ear doesn’t make you any more of a Pats fan.

When I say personal space, I don’t mean standing shoulder to shoulder, or an accidental bump. On Superbowl Sunday you can assume that bars, restaurants, and anywhere with a big screen T.V. will be crowded.  Personally, I’m in favor of Hoyt’s Cinema playing the game, but that’s just my opinion. Having large quantities of people in various gathering places in mind, don’t be THAT person who is belligerently getting in everybody’s faces, spilling your beer on my head, and falling backwards off your bar stool taking out ten other people like a game of drunken domino’s. We don’t need to be standing so close that I can smell the nachos, buffalo wings, and that case of Bud Light you had for lunch. (If by chance you are in the vicinity of somebody who doesn’t understand personal space,  refer to #1)

Nothing celebrates a win better than burning down your local bus stop, right? Here’s an idea: if your team wins, don’t break somebody’s windshield. If your team loses, don’t break somebody’s windshield.

I hope everyone has a safe and exciting Superbowl Sunday!


Little boy’s youth Tom Brady shirt, bad bar lighting, and the Superbowl. Whomp whomp.

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