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Your Thesaurus Is Not Extinct

There comes a point in everybody’s life when they reach a crossroad. By design, this fork is crucial in determining the course of events that will unfold from that point on.

If you’ve lived with me, you know that I am a robot before I’ve had coffee, and not the cool kind of robot. I don’t turn all R2D2 and make endearing beeping noises. I’m more of a Decepticon before 8am caffeine, (80’s cartoon Transformers reference, nerd alert), with some variation of #*!#$# noises. I refuse to buy into energy drinks because they scare me a little. I just picture myself downing a “One Hr Energy Drink” and tremulously falling out of my chair. However, coffee is my savior.


My mouth watered as I passed “Dunkin Donuts” at 7:40 am, on my way to the middle school, for a day of subbing 8th grade. I knew I had to be at the middle school at 7:50, and I had just enough time to grab a coffee. I pulled my car into the middle lane and waited for early morning work traffic to subside. That’s when I saw it, the thing that would stand boldly in front of my happiness like a bodyguard at a rock concert.

The line of cars in the drive-thru wrapped around the building and bordered the entrance to the Dunkin Donuts parking lot. I could see into the window of Dunkin Donuts and the situation was just as bad inside. People stood motionless in line, aggravated, inevitably running late, like I would be if I stopped for coffee.

The angel and devil conversation taking place on my shoulders at that moment went something like this:
Angel Carley: It’s unprofessional to be late Miss Barton!
Devil Carley: Don’t be foolish! Late-shmate! Feed your caffeine addiction.
Angel Carley: Good luck getting a full time teaching job around here if you’re known as “the girl who shows up to work late.”

I pulled out of the middle lane and continued, something short of merrily, on my way.

Devil Carley:   NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

During third period, when a student asked me for a synonym, I told him that he could always find a thesaurus.
When he then told me he thought they were extinct, my head began to throb.
Enter caffeine headache.

“…Two roads diverged in a yellow wood”
And I? I took the wrong one.

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